Hello there and welcome! My name is Sandra and I’m a former sufferer of panic disorder, agoraphobia and depression. I’m here to share with you a little about myself and why I love to write about transforming my physical, mental, social and spiritual health.
My journey started five years ago when I was living in a basement apartment in Burnaby BC that I could barely afford. I was on the brink of bankruptcy, overcoming an abusive relationship, overweight, depressed and suffering from agoraphobia and daily panic attacks. By all counts and measures I was at the absolute lowest point of my life and could not see the light at the end of my own tunnel.
Having suffered from panic disorder, depression and weight problems since childhood I had conditioned myself into believing that it was simply in my DNA to suffer. This self perception caused me to look at my life through a lens of hardship and I was only able to focus on what I couldn’t achieve and what I never thought was possible for me. I had woven these obstacles into my identity. I was convinced that I could never have the job of my dreams because my anxiety would sabotage me. I felt I could never be loved because of my weight and my depression kept my social circle small and nearly non-existent.
I had nurtured these beliefs over many years and as a result I did not treat myself with the respect and care I deserved and so allowed others to disrespect and mistreat me. I ended up in a relationship online which propelled my move cross country. The relationship had begun to unravel the last threads of my life and the fallout nearly drove me into the ground.
During this time I ended up throwing myself into work and built a career that I performed well at but didn’t feel satisfied by. For my whole life I had always felt called to write, called to counsel and called to guide others but was so weighed down by my circumstances that I felt I couldn’t possibly be qualified to help anyone else if I couldn’t help myself.
After experiencing panic attacks every day for months I decided to seek help. In a moment of clarity I knew that I didn’t want to live a life of suffering and if I was going to keep living like this every day it would be better not to live at all. I vowed to gain control of my life, my health, my finances, my relationships and my overall well being and connected with someone who lead me on a path to healing myself from the inside out.
Since that time I’ve changed every aspect of my life one step at a time. I learned to care for and nurture myself and because I have shifted my perspective I have learned to see opportunities for success and fulfillment at every turn. It is my most sincere belief that everyone has the opportunity to change their life no matter how dark it may seem. Sometimes it simply takes the right guide to steer us in the right direction and show us that while one end of the tunnel may be dark and endless there is light also.
I am in the midst of writing a memoir chronicling how I overcame these challenges and look forward to sharing what I’ve found to be the most transformative in terms of knowledge and action thus far!